"Sitting here, alone in the dark, I cannot help but think these disturbing thoughts. I apologize in advance for this. I would never dream of forcing my sorrow unto another’s spirit, so I will warn you now, burn these pages. I only write these words in the futile hope that these thoughts racing through my head can be lessened, if only in the slightest"
I was standing in my balcony holding the cold railing; raindrops fell from them as my fingers moved over them. The moonlight was creating filigrees of light and shade on me through the patches of rain clouds. The wind was quite strong making me close my eyes, but I was forcefully keeping them open.
Such silent dark nights always make you reflect and prick up some long buried pain in your heart for no reason at all. Same was happening with me. I had just come to the balcony just to water my plants and the beautiful rain drenched sky held me captive and mesmerized. The lights of Navi Mumbai shimmered in dark like fireflies. There was something magical about the night. Or maybe just that I had looked at the night sky after a long long time.
As I stood there for sometime conflicting feelings of happiness and sadness were cascading like waves inside me. Don’t know why it happens, but it just happens every time I stare at the silent night sky. Suddenly the darkness becomes the clear mirror of our souls. And the questions that we keep running away from reflects back to us. We generally bury all our pains in the humdrum of daily life, but now we stand exposed - alone, well not exactly your shadow always accompanies you.
I was again drowning in the sea of self inflicted sorrow when from somewhere the song lingered to me -
"Nahin samne yeh alag baat hain...
mere paas hain..tu...mere paas hain
mere sath hain..."
It brought a smile on my face. The music made the feeling of pain melt. I looked at my shadow. It stood there silently.
"Shall we go for a dance?" I asked with a mischievous smile.
And I thought it nodded silently.
I hurried into my room and came back with the ipod .I knew exactly which song I wanted. I scrolled to Jhankar Beats folder. I held out my hand, my shadows imaginary hand slipped into mine and I pressed the play button. The melodious refrain filled the air around me -
"Hume tumse pyar kitna ...yeh hum nehi jante magar jee nehi sakte tumhare bina...."
Amidst curious glances from the moon and the few passing dark clouds we swirled into motion. I could still feel a pin prick of pain in my heart, maybe I was missing a friend or some moments from the past. I closed my eyes and just immersed myself in the ecstasy of dancing away the blues. My shadow was an understanding companion. We moved along in perfect harmony, tilting our bodies at the right beat, spining in circles or moving in asymmetrical shapes on my balcony ballroom. The wind soon joined us in the rhapsody. The three of us were creating magic.
So I'm dancing alone
Dreaming solo
'Cause your love's the one worth waiting for
It's just like heaven
Nobody's gonna break my heart
And hurt me like they did before
No one can even get the part
Not until I know it's deep
We finished our performance and bowed down before the panoramic audience. The nature applauded with a light rumble of the thunder and the sky started showering on us. For a moment my shadow moved aside and let me enjoy the center stage and bask in the limelight. The little drops of rain felt like glittering specks of stardust from the heaven.
I stood in that shower feeling liberated.
No comments:
Post a Comment